Café Buffé
a musical comedy
libretto by Charles Bernstein
music by Dean Drummond
1. Overture
2. Whaddya think of that?
3. Don’t Pull the Plug
4. No Time Like the Present
5. Goddamn Hard Drive
6. My Data’s Gone
7. The Beach
8. It Must Be Time
9. Synchronicity
10. Cheesecake
11. Didn’t Know You Needed Asking
12. I’m Twice as High as You
13. Are You Listening?
14. Thanks for the Water
Cast:
Bill Pell – Bass
Meadow Lake – Mezzosoprano
Giles Swan – Baritone
Sylvia Swan – Sixteen-year-old daughter of Giles, Soprano
Hilda Honey – Soprano
Newband
Scene: Inside the Cafe Buffé, late twentieth century. Newband is playing a tune while Bill Pell, waiter, is quietly talking to Meadow Lake, who's sipping a cold drink at a table centerstage.
1. Newband plays "overture."
2. Whaddya Think of That
Bill: Whaddya think of that?
Meadow: That what?
Bill: That band
Meadow: What band?
Bill: The band
Meadow: Which band?
Bill: This band
Meadow: Band of what?
Bill: Whaddya think of the band?
Meadow: Your band?
Bill: No not my band
Meadow: Swell band!
Bill: Yeah, swell band
Meadow: Sort of swing band
Bill: Really-sings band!
Meadow: Hey guys!
Band (together): Got some water?
We sure want some ice-cold water!
Bill:
Sure guys here's the water! [serves water to band]
Band
(together): Thanks for the water
All this water
Great water!
Bill: Sure guys anytime
Band (together): We always like to drink fresh water
Bill: Sure guys anytime: fresh clear water
(to
Meadow) Nothing like water
What do you want
to eat?
Meadow: How's the tofu?
Bill: Not so good today
Meadow: How's the tofu?
Bill: Not so good today
I'd suggest frogs legs
Meadow: Nothing wrong with my legs
Bill: No, frogs legs with tripe
Meadow: Nothing wrong with my legs
Bill: No, frogs legs with tripe
That's our specialty tonight
What you into?
Meadow: I like sprouts
Bill: What kind of sprouts?
Meadow: Brussel sprouts
Bill: Don't believe it
Meadow: Alfalfa sprouts
Bill: That I can buy
Meadow: Have you got sprouts with mushrooms?
Bill: Much too healthy for me
Meadow: Then how about
Meadow: I like sprouts
Bill: What kind of sprouts?
Meadow: Brussel sprouts
Bill: Don't believe it
Meadow: Alfalfa sprouts
Bill: That I can buy
Meadow: Have you got sprouts with mushrooms?
Bill: Much too healthy for me
Meadow: Then how about
Sprouts with tripe
Bill: Tripe's all right
Sprout's with tripe it'll be
Meadow: What's your story?
Bill: Got no story
Meadow; Whaddya do?
Bill: Serve you
Meadow: Besides that?
Bill: Wait for facts
Meadow: Not so fast
Bill: Just the facts
Meadow: Fax or facts?
Bill: Just facts.
Meadow: What's your story?
Bill: Got no story
Meadow; Whaddya do?
Bill: Serve you
Meadow: Besides that?
Bill: Wait for facts
Meadow: Not so fast
Bill: Just the facts
Meadow: Fax or facts?
Bill: Just facts.
But I get tired.
Meadow: Doing what?
Bill: Just being me
Meadow: Who are you?
Bill: I'm a waiter
Meadow: Doing what?
Bill: Just being me
Meadow: Who are you?
Bill: I'm a waiter
Waiting for the day to end
3. Don’t Pull the Plug
Meadow:
I never knew the day to end
You know I never knew any day to end
Just pulls out its plug
Or somehow unplugs itself
Bill:
Don't pull the plug
I'm coming home
Don't pull the plug
I'm almost there
Don't pull the plug
Been much too long
I feel like floating
But I pant instead
Sometimes I feel
I'm almost lost
Sometimes I feel
I'm almost found
Sometimes I feel
So pushed around
I see her in my mirror
I hold her in my dreams
But dreams are dreams
And dreams get done
– What will you have to drink?
Meadow: Sarsaparilla tea
Would be just great for me
Nothing's so fine
As the taste of sarsaparilla wine
Bill: We're out of sarsaparilla today
But we've got coconut, leeche nut,
Guava nut, yohimbe nut, and
Peppermint
4.
No Time Like the Present
Meadow:
There's no time like the present
And the present's already gone
No time like the present
And the present it's already gone
Got to get some reality
Or else I'll lose what's left of
my mind
Now I had three rings for my fingers
Three rings to hold my place
I had three rings for each finger
Three rings to tell my tale
Now all I got left
Is the skin around my bones
I fell asleep last night
Thinking I'd never wake again
Fell asleep last week
Knowing it was near the end
I just keep getting up
Thinking I'm someone else than I am
[repeats]
Bill (to band): Whaddya think of that guys?
Band: Quite a story
Bill: Helluva story
Band leader: Where are our drinks?
Bill: What drinks?
Band: Chilly water
Chilly water
We really want some
Ice cold chilly water
Bill: Be right back with the drinks, guys!
5. Goddamn Hard Drive
Enter Giles Swan and Sylvia Swan
Bill: Be right back with the drinks, guys!
5. Goddamn Hard Drive
Enter Giles Swan and Sylvia Swan
Giles (to Sylvia): Goddamn hard drive
Can't believe it
$400
Jesus fucking hard drive
Crash, crashed
Total data loss
Goddamn hard drive
Can't believe it
$400
Jesus fucking hard drive
Crash, crashed
Total data loss
Total data loss
Total data loss
Sylvia: What data, Dad?
Bill: What'll it be, Pop?
Bill: What'll it be, Pop?
Giles: I'd like to see a menu
Bill: Ain't no menu
Sylvia: Do you have French fries?
Bill: French fries with what?
Sylvia: French fries with rice
Bill: And what's for Pops?
Giles: I just lost my hard drive
I can't eat
Bill: Have you considered adoption?
Giles: No, she's mine
Bill: But if your hard drive's gone
Giles: And all my data too
Sylvia: What data, Pop?
6. My Data’s Gone
Giles:
My data's gone
But my tears are here to stay
My data's wiped
But my fears won't even stray
Got a 380 processor
Gonna blow these cares away
A friend of mine
Bought a $40,000 mill
Friend of mine
Bought a $40,000 mill
He could sure crunch numbers
But crunched himself instead
Sometimes I feel
I'm inputting at some cosmic keyboard
Sometimes I feel
Just like I'm inputting at some cosmic keyboard
Don't know what I'm typing
But that I know for sure
The sky she changes colors
But my computer screen is blank
Sky it changes colors
But my TV screen's gone blank
I stare into the void
And don't know who to thank
Bill: That's deep,
(to
band) Whaddya think guys?
Band: More water
Band: More water
Fresh cool water
We want something to drink
Meadow: Boy that's a story
Meadow: Boy that's a story
Kind of story
Makes me sorry
I don't drink
Giles: I drink – make mine scotch
Giles: I drink – make mine scotch
Unblended scotch
Got Glenlivit?
Up straight
No chaser
Bill: Right away, sir
Bill: Right away, sir
Pardon my intrusion
Don't mind me
Sylvia: Are my French fries ready?
Bill: Hold on a minute
7. Let’s Go to the Beach
Sylvia:
Let's split
This place is burning me up
Why do we always go to these flea bags?
I never liked this weird stuff
Calls itself a band
I told Jimmy I'd meet him
Jimmy, Joe, Jack – we're gonna catch
You know
Benzene Rust
You know, at Limbo Lounge
How about a drink for me, Dad
I had a couple of Rum Vodkas last week
At, you know, you know
Club Lumbago
After that theory class, boy
That professor makes watching paint dry
Seem exciting
Hey, Pop – Hey, Man!
You listening?
Snap out of it!
How about that trip to Tampa?
Let's hit Tampa, man
Whaddya say, Daddy-O
Let's go to the beach!
Giles: I never said beach
Sylvia: Are my French fries ready?
Bill: Hold on a minute
7. Let’s Go to the Beach
Sylvia:
Let's split
This place is burning me up
Why do we always go to these flea bags?
I never liked this weird stuff
Calls itself a band
I told Jimmy I'd meet him
Jimmy, Joe, Jack – we're gonna catch
You know
Benzene Rust
You know, at Limbo Lounge
How about a drink for me, Dad
I had a couple of Rum Vodkas last week
At, you know, you know
Club Lumbago
After that theory class, boy
That professor makes watching paint dry
Seem exciting
Hey, Pop – Hey, Man!
You listening?
Snap out of it!
How about that trip to Tampa?
Let's hit Tampa, man
Whaddya say, Daddy-O
Let's go to the beach!
Giles: I never said beach
Who ever mentioned the beach
I'm too upset for the beach
Meadow: Tough day, Dude
Time to relax
Listen to the band
Giles: What band?
Meadow: This band
Giles: Your band?
Meadow: No not my band
Meadow: This band
Giles: Your band?
Meadow: No not my band
The band
Sylvia: The band, man, the band
Giles: Do they play kids' parties?
Giles: Do they play kids' parties?
I need a band for my little kid's
party
Meadow (to band): Do you play parties?
Band leader: What kind of parties?
Meadow: Children's parties?
Band leader: We take cash
Band (together): No credit
Giles: No problem
How about Saturday
Band leader: Okay then no problem
Where are our drinks!
Band (together): Ice water
Ice water
We really want some
Ice cold chilly water
Ice cold chilly water
[Band plays instrumental number.]
8. It Must Be Time
Enter Hilda Honey, who appears magically out of the blue. She sings after instrumental.
Hilda:
It must be time
But I don't know where I am
It must be time
Yet I don't know where I am
Man said come into this place
But I haven't a clue
Not a name or a face
The world swirls around me
It's a mystery I'm here at all
The world swirls around me
It's a mystery I'm standing here at all
Got a telegram from eternity
Said it was time for me to call
From moment to moment
I just stumble and fall
From moment to moment
Find I just stumble and fall
Turned off the percolator
Turned in my chain and ball
Everything's tumbling about me
It looks like it's all turned to ash
Everybody's grumbling about me
Burying their heads in the sand
My friends ignore me
They give me a cross and some nails
Now if I stopped complaining
What would I do instead
Now if I stopped screeching
What would I do instead
I'd give you a taste of my tuning
And throw you out of your head
Meadow: I feel just like you
Though you know
We've never met
But what you say sings to me
Even though it seems to make no sense
9. Synchronicity
Hilda & Meadow (together):
Sometimes that happens
A chord is struck
The birds are blue
Lock is broke
They say it's synchronicity
Still I can't pay the rent
They say throw the towels away
How deep is deeper than bent?
(alternating lines)
A chord is struck
The birds are blue
They say it's synchronicity
How deep is deeper than bent?
(together)
They say its synchronicity
But I still can't pay the rent
Bill: Don't like to intrude
Hilda & Meadow (together):
Sometimes that happens
A chord is struck
The birds are blue
Lock is broke
They say it's synchronicity
Still I can't pay the rent
They say throw the towels away
How deep is deeper than bent?
(alternating lines)
A chord is struck
The birds are blue
They say it's synchronicity
How deep is deeper than bent?
(together)
They say its synchronicity
But I still can't pay the rent
Bill: Don't like to intrude
But that's a long face
What brings you here
Is it our great pace?
What do you want to drink?
10. Cheesecake
Hilda: Cheesecake, have you some cheesecake
All I really want is
Some cheesecake
Bill: We don't serve cheesecake
Bill: We don't serve cheesecake
Only the best cheesecake in the
world
Special cheesecake
Unique cheese pie
– Not just "some" cheesy
pie
Some serve cheesecake
Some serve pie
There's nothing wrong with
Persimmons and rye
Give me an apple
I really need a pear
Give me a potato
I'm tired of prayer
Avocado for breakfast
Chevre for tea
My best friend's gone away
Let's have cheesecake to drink!
So don't say "some"
cheesecake
Always say ideal cheese pie
Unique cheesecake
It never lies
Hilda:
That's for me
That's for me
I've
always wanted
Perfect cheesecake
The best cheesecake
Money can buy
At last I'll have
Perfect cheesecake
Ideal cheese-oriented pie!
Bill: Coming right up
Giles: Couldn't help overhearing
Perfect cheesecake
The best cheesecake
Money can buy
At last I'll have
Perfect cheesecake
Ideal cheese-oriented pie!
Bill: Coming right up
Giles: Couldn't help overhearing
That you like ideal pies
Hilda: My ideal is a pie, sure
Hilda: My ideal is a pie, sure
Sylvia: I like ice cream
Lots of ice cream
Not ideal pies
Giles: Nobody asked you
I'm talking to the lady
Sylvia: Didn't know I needed asking
11. Didn’t Know You Needed Asking
Hilda:
Didn't know you needed asking
But you never do
Things pile up
Nothing's through
Suddenly it's time to go
Kitchen's missing
Pump's untied
Sailboat keeps parting
Cannot find the tide
No, you never do
No, you never do
Once I asked
Was told no way
Never asked again
I'm fifty miles above the earth
Getting further day by day
12. I’m Twice as High as You
Meadow:
I'm twice as high as you
But I've got both feet on the floor
Twice as high as you
With both feet on the floor
My left foot slips away at night
My right foot's on the shore
Slowly, much too slowly
I've learned it's fun to fall
Hilda & Meadow: Slowly, much too slowly
Sylvia: Didn't know I needed asking
11. Didn’t Know You Needed Asking
Hilda:
Didn't know you needed asking
But you never do
Things pile up
Nothing's through
Suddenly it's time to go
Kitchen's missing
Pump's untied
Sailboat keeps parting
Cannot find the tide
No, you never do
No, you never do
Once I asked
Was told no way
Never asked again
I'm fifty miles above the earth
Getting further day by day
12. I’m Twice as High as You
Meadow:
I'm twice as high as you
But I've got both feet on the floor
Twice as high as you
With both feet on the floor
My left foot slips away at night
My right foot's on the shore
Slowly, much too slowly
I've learned it's fun to fall
Hilda & Meadow: Slowly, much too slowly
I've learned it's fun to fall
Bill: Got a chicken salad sandwich
For anyone who hears this call
Giles: No chicken salad for me
I want ham and eggs
Bill: We don't have any today
Just bouillabaisseBill: We don't have any today
Giles: If that bouillabaisse is hot
I might just try a taste
Giles & Bill: Hot hot hot soup
Giles & Bill: Hot hot hot soup
Steaming hot piping
Soup suits me very well
Chicken noodle, cream and gumbo
13. Are You Listening?
Giles, Sylvia, Bill, Hilda, & Meadow simultaneously or alternating overlay, repeating:
Giles: Cushion of shocks
Bumps, knocks, slides
Oscillating cascades
Gaps, fissures, bolts
Torrent of blades
Pierces, pummels, splints
Sylvia: Let's hit the waves
Sylvia: Let's hit the waves
Get out of here
Hey, Pop – Hey Dad
Snap out of it!
Are you listening?
Bill: Nothing like the taste of salsa and elk
Try some pimento peppered with feltBill: Nothing like the taste of salsa and elk
When I was a baby I ate mule
Now I prefer large helpings of glue
Meadow: This time is my third time round
Meadow: This time is my third time round
Once as tailor
Once as teller
Once tailor once teller
Once sailor once
Salt cellar
Hilda: My pie is ideal pie
Hilda: My pie is ideal pie
Ideal pie for me
Give me cheesecake
Good old cheese pie
Until I die
Until I die
[disappears magically]
[disappears magically]
14. Thanks for the
Water
Band leader:
Band leader:
[1.]
Thanks for the company
[to rest of band]: Thanks for the music
Thanks for being here tonight
[2.]
And remember:
We're available
At the right price
At the right time
No credit
[3.]
Thanks for listening
Thanks for coming
And thanks for the water
Band: Ice ice ice ice
Ice cold water
Chilly water
Ice
Cold
Chilly
Water
Chilly water
BLACKOUT
__________________________________________
SUPPLEMENTAL MATERIAL / NOTES
1991
For practical reasons (difficulty of filling the part of six-year old “Child Swan,”), an alternative version for soprano was written for Child’s “Let’s go to the beach” aria, with Child replaced by Sylvia, 17 -year old daughter of Giles. This is the original version:
7. The Beach
Child:
I’m hungry
I want my fries
I’m getting ready to go
Let’s go to the beach today
I like the beach, don’t you Daddy?
Can I order an ice scream Sunday can I order a hamburger can I
order a hotdog?
You
can get some things too, okay, Dad?Hey, Dad, I didn’t mean that
I don’t like shrimp
Can I order a milkshake too, Dad?
But please not the shrimp this time
Oh Daddy I just remembered I just wanted to go home to fix
my Barbies
Oh
Daddy I was kidding I want to go to beach todayOK let’s get on our bathing suits
We’re going to the beach today
* * *
Listen to a sound file of a 2009, concert performance of the opera on PennSound:
http://jacket2.org/commentary/dean-drummond-cafe-buffe.